Man, last night I was running around like a crazy chicken. Getting ready for a seminar in amongst all the other things I was doing. I got to the copy centre at about 5:30 pm, well in advance of the scheduled seminar time, to pick up the handouts for the class. “Sorry sir, but our website went down right at the point we got to yours. And we haven’t had a chance to call you” That’s all the girl at front desk was able to say, probably expecting an outburst of anger from another peeved customer.
I was just about to teach a seminar all about the affect of emotions on our health. I wasn’t going to be blowing up on anyone if I was to be in integrity with my message. How did I respond to it? I quickly checked in with body. I was shocked at first, but after the shock wore off I realised something. I could easily have criticised myself for this, as I had done in the years gone by, but I wasn’t. A testament to the work I have done on myself. You see, it wasn’t the girls fault, I could have sent this in a little earlier in the day, but I hadn’t. It had always worked before!
I have held myself up to high standards all my life. I haven’t always been able to meet them. I used to be really hard on myself. “You idiot” frequently made it’s way into the cells of my body, from my head.
Criticism from others was expected. Criticism from myself was guaranteed. Whether I did well or not. I didn’t know what it felt like to be kind to myself in times of failure. Even when I did a good job, I would convince myself it was not good enough. And naturally, the more mistakes I made, the more I began to fear failure.
As a personal trainer, helping hundreds through one-on-one training, and thousands through speaking engagements over the years, it become very apparent how much I was not alone. Criticism has caused people to gain weight. It has caused people to suppress anger and cause all kinds of stresses ( back pain, neck pain etc) in the body. And when we criticise ourselves, we often find ourselves criticising others.
As I have released criticism from my inner being, I have felt the health of my body improve. I have witnessed people shed body weight, improve joint and muscle health, and feel better about themselves overall. Most importantly I have seen them move forward without the same fear of failure. Gratitude beams out of their eyes.
Criticism is different to constructive feedback. Welcome the feedback and know the difference. Criticism does nothing but pull you down when you let it, and offers no way out. Feedback empowers you to move to infinity and beyond.
As a GratiDude/GratiDudette you probably are very good at being kind to others….naturally. How kind are you to yourself in times of setback and failure?
Next time a screw up happens through you, and you find yourself in a place of criticism, remind yourself to be kind to yourself.
Sometimes your greatest screw-ups can be a great gift from God. With BradiDude’s permission I will share our most enlightening story to date in an upcoming blog.
An affirmation to repeat, to become easier on yourself, could be something like.
“I am kind and gentle with myself in times of setback and failure, knowing that God failed through me for a reason, and I have learned a great lesson!”
So, how did my story finish? I asked myself “What is the gift in this situation?” After all the universe had caused the website to go down exactly when my work was getting printed. There had to be a reason for it. And, as result of taking this approach, my body felt better, and the workshop still ran smoothly. And next time, I am definitely getting it done the day before.
until next time!
MattiDude
PS – to receive fitness tips from me, GratiDude style, go to my website. www.MatthewAshdown.com, where you will be able to sign up for twice weekly e-mail tips and receive other freebies along the way as well as find out how to benefit from my personal training and coaching services wherever you are in the world!
MOVIE RECOMMENDATION!
I first learned about the affect of criticism from Louise Hay in her book “You Can Heal Your Life”. With a cousin visiting at the recent passing of a loved one, I watched Louise’s movie with her and it made me think of passing it on to you. For something that will uplift and inspire you, I recommend this movie for any movie collection. With interviews with Louise, Gregg Braden, Wayne Dyer, and more, it makes for a very informative movie experience.
November 25th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Yes Matt,
That little voice in the head, responce-able to create so much problems in our body and in our world. As Eckhart says, “The biggest addiction in the world is thinking” So true EH!
Keep up the God work,
Love n light,
Carlos. (yea scouse mate)
November 25th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Hi Matt, I just wanted to say a hugh thanks for you piece on self criticsm. I have been very hard on myself for years and though I always say that ‘I’m not judgemental’, I’ve always judged myself. Over the last few years I have changed a lot and am much kinder and more accepting of myself now however lately I’ve reverted to old habits a bit and so this acted as a ‘timely reminder’!
Thanks again
Deirdre
November 25th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Hi Matt,
What an inspiring post! And sooooo very true. for most of us it’s so easy to be kind and supportive to our family, friends, colleagues and associates and yet when it comes to effectively the most important person in our lives … ourselves we’re as hard and as unrelenting as nails!
I was part of a program last year which really pointed out to me how much more I had to give others and in a warmer and happier frame of mind when I’d taken care of myself properly first … it was a real eye opener.
I’m not always as good at is as I could be, but when I find doing little acts of service for the people I love most, I now realize it’s time to take some time for me … a good friend of mine calls it ‘Enlightened Self Awareness’
Love life and live it creatively,
Leanne
http://www.YourSuccessfulMind.com/FeelingGreat
November 25th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Ooops that should read … when I find doing little acts of service for the people I love most … a drag … I now realize it’s time to take some time for me … a good friend of mine calls it ‘Enlightened Self Awareness’
Leanne
November 25th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Hello Matt,
Wow, this is a great milestone for one on a spiritual path. What is crucial for spiritual Enlightenment to spontaneously appear is for our day-to-day life to remind us that we are observers of our experiences. For example, we observe disappointment, we are not disappointed. In this manner, the “drama” does not impact our physiological, emotional and spiritual well-being. Some yogis call this realization of observing our experiences “liberation”, because we are no longer in “bondage” to the dramatic expressions of anger, and so forth.
Keep it up. When you take steps to become greater than your experiences, the entire community evolves. A great quote from Ramana Maharshi relevant to this is, “You pervade all. See yourself and all are understood.”
with love and appreciation,
Jenny
November 26th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Hi Matt,
Your piece on self-talk or criticism, hit me like mac truck. reading it literally brought me to tears.
I’ve been a LOA dropout, for the most part and am SO critical of myself for many things that go wrong. I call myself names that I wouldn’t call my worst enemy.
My wife tells me I’m too hard on myself. I guess I am and I realize there’s much more to it than just how I’m feeling at that time.
It runs deeper than that. I’ve learned alot through EFT, of why I talk to myself so crtically at times.Still, it’s been a hard habit for me to break.
Thank you for reminding me of it’s effects, as I’ve had the results of this critical talk, for a couple years now. I’ve been to more doctors and more testing, in these last 4 years than I had in the last 30 combined.
I’m printing this post and will keep it in front of me and carry it with me for times when i forgewt how it effects me. I will also share this with my list and my friends throughout the internet, if that’s ok with you.
Thanks again and Have a Happy and Safe Holiday Season.
Sincerely,
John Ferrari
February 7th, 2010 at 8:30 am
As a Newbie, I am always searching online for articles that can help me. You blog reAlly helped me and I will be back soon. Thank you
May 3rd, 2010 at 11:41 am
I am grateful that today I love myself enough to be gentle and kind when I mess up.
November 4th, 2011 at 4:49 am
You made a number of nice points there
November 24th, 2011 at 11:32 am
Thank you Parker
I hope it helps.